


memories i have of you

by ryanjoa



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: (hes very clear. re: keralis is a fool), Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Kissing, M/M, Timeskips galore, bdubs is not clear enough, i think, keralis is a fool, typical gay confusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:08:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23726584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryanjoa/pseuds/ryanjoa
Summary: keralis considers his past with bdubs, comparing it to their present day relationship. man, they should do that kiss thing again.
Relationships: BdoubleO100/Keralis
Comments: 33
Kudos: 161





	memories i have of you

**Author's Note:**

> back at it again with another bdubs/keralis. seriously there needs to be more of these two i am dying

That day Bdubs fell into Keralis' pool would always be one that they always remembered. Obviously, because Bdubs came plummeting right out of the sky, and of course it marked the day that Bdubs came back, but also because it really jumpstarted their relationship again.

They were... complicated. They had been friends for so long, but it was always more than that, no matter what they liked to think. Keralis felt different around Bdubs; he had no other friendships like the one he had with him. Staring at Bdubs felt wrong, like he wasn't allowed to do so, and meeting his eye was always harder than it was with anyone else.

Bdubs was the first and only time Keralis had kissed another guy. It was only once, and it was entirely experimental (they both said), but Keralis never let the memory go. He could still remember the aftertaste of Bdubs' lips, the grin they both tried to hide after pulling away, and the way Bdubs fluttered his eyes closed again as he leaned in for another.

They never spoke about it afterwards.

Bdubs acted like he had forgotten entirely about it, treating Keralis the way he always did. That was the thing, Keralis thought. If Bdubs wanted to kiss him again, he'd have done it.

Keralis wouldn't dare to bring it up, even when he really wanted to. And he wanted to a lot. But, outweighing that desire, he didn't want Bdubs to think he was desperate, or just using him. They never actually started dating, so Bdubs wasn't his to kiss whenever he wanted to.

That day Bdubs fell quite literally back into his life, the two of them seemed different. Not seeing someone for a while does that, of course, but... Keralis couldn't help but feel like something had changed. Perhaps it was his own nervousness. He invited Bdubs into his home, asked him to stay the night, helped to get him back on his feet. He wished he could tell if Bdubs felt the same way as him, if he was remembering their kiss, too.

It was too forward to ask that to a man who had died from falling over a hundred feet over and over, though. For now, Keralis needed to be there for him as a friend, and focus on not making it weird. Sleeping in the same, small bed was perfectly normal... it was. And in the morning, when Bdubs hugged him from behind as he made them breakfast, Keralis repeated to himself that they were just close friends who happened to be touchy with one another.

They could work out what their relationship was after Bdubs had settled down into his own place.

Later that day, when Bdubs decided he was ready to go out and start his life again, he kissed Keralis on the cheek. It was quick and sweet, as if it was already natural for them, like a husband kissing his wife goodbye as he left for work. Keralis smiled warmly, staring out the door until Bdubs was no longer in sight. His chest had quickly begun to feel heavy, already missing Bdubs, but they'd always find each other again, even if it meant falling from the sky into the others pool.

So... was moving into the same village as him too soon?

—

They'd had nights like this before, lying in the grass under the open sky. Every once in a while when the weather was clear, Bdubs invited Keralis out to stargaze with him, always looking to take advantage of a lack of clouds. Keralis had taken to watching the weather for this reason.

A memory came to Keralis' mind as he laid next to Bdubs, almost a bit of a déjà vu feeling.

It was a few years back. Bdubs had been pointing out the constellations to him, ones he had found in a book and was determined to memorize. He sounded uncertain of some, but he was always growing more confident with his knowledge each time they went out, clearly doing his studying. It was cute how he went out of his way to learn about the stars, which was something he didn't really have to do.

At some point in the night, Keralis had stopped looking up and stared at Bdubs instead, watching how bright with wonder his eyes were. It was almost more encapsulating than the sky.

Bdubs raised his hands in the air and framed a star between his thumbs and index fingers.

He said something about it, Keralis didn't know what, and smiled. Then he turned his head to meet the others eye, that grin still lingering. Keralis should've been nervous, he should've turned away with embarrassment, but he didn't. He looked at Bdubs, and Bdubs looked back. The two stared at each other with gentle eyes, and when Bdubs dropped his hands from the sky, one of them found their way to hold Keralis', neither breaking eye contact.

They squeezed each others hands, Keralis noticing Bdubs' was warmer than his own, and both faced the sky again. They laid there, hands locked, in silence.

Keralis could feel himself go red at the memory, so focused on it that he had forgotten to listen to what Bdubs was saying right then and there. Except Bdubs wasn't talking anymore. He had been silent for a while.

"Hey," he heard Bdubs whisper next to him.

Keralis looked over at him to find him already looking back. He tried to suppress the shiver that ran down his spine.

"Hi," Keralis responded. He didn't know what else to say, intimidated by Bdubs' gaze. He felt locked in place, frozen.

Bdubs looked down between them to Keralis' hand, which was squeezing itself tensely in the grass. He reached over and forced Keralis' fingers to loosen, weaving into them with his own. He rubbed his thumb back and forth as Keralis held tightly now onto Bdubs.

Bdubs never met his eye again, turning away to face up. "Uh, where was I," he mumbled to himself, scanning the different constellations painted across the night sky.

Keralis smiled at him, even though he knew he wouldn't see it. He followed where Bdubs' other hand pointed, tracing the shapes made by the stars, and he made sure to listen more intently this time.

—

"Hey, baby, what's up?"

Keralis choked and stopped breathing. _Baby?_ He thought he might die right there, or something worse, like faint and have to wake up again, knowing he passed out at the use of a pet name. A pet name... Bdubs hadn't used that name in a long time, why was he starting again? That caught Keralis completely off guard. Oh, god, what did he say back?

"Not much, you know, the usual," he said as casually as possible. He internally reprimanded himself for having just about the lamest answer in the whole universe in response to the man who called him "baby." He should try harder.

When _was_ the last time Bdubs had called him that? Obviously it had to have been a few years back, but did he use it so casually then too?

Keralis tried to picture a few scenarios in his head.

During their kiss? That seemed like an appropriate time, but unfortunately, he couldn't remember many details from it, especially not any spoken words. He remembered warmth and butterflies in his stomach, the feeling of Bdubs' lips pressed against his own, the way they... uh, anyway, that wasn't what was in question. So, had Bdubs called him "baby" when they kissed? Eh, maybe.

Maybe Bdubs _did_ use it in everyday conversation, loosely throwing around the name here and there. He was very confident in that sort of thing. When they met, it was sometimes a "hey baby," and when they parted, the name occasionally followed his goodbyes. Keralis had probably gotten used to it, not being as obsessed back then as he was now.

But was this not just a Bdubs thing? Didn't he address everyone in endearing ways?

Whatever it was, it didn't change the fact that this one, this specific nickname Bdubs had used for him made Keralis go dizzy in the head. Keralis called most people sweet little nicknames, unable to recall the last time he actually used the name "Bdubs" in conversation rather than his more accustomed to "Bubbles," but he never said anything that was obviously perceived as a pet name. Should he call Bdubs one back?

No, that'd be awkward. It worked when Bdubs did it, yeah, but Keralis would probably just fumble over his words. He would not be making any hearts throb like that.

Bdubs was just a natural. And this didn't mean anything. They were friends.

—

Welp.

Keralis was in love with Bdubs.

That was the only explanation for this; his obsession with him. It took a while for him to accept it, to give in and understand that it really was more than just a confused crush, it had to be.

But still, after this revelation, he remained confused. Should he have been in love with Bdubs the whole time? He didn't know what their relationship was. They didn't kiss (regularly), they didn't go on dates (unless you consider blowing up a mountain together a date)... they just... were a little more close than they were with others.

That didn't make them boyfriends. Neither of them had officially asked the other out.

So, basically, they were still complicated. That was what Keralis would describe his relationship status as. He was unsure if Bdubs would do the same, though.

Good question. Did Bdubs feel the same? Or was Keralis overthinking it all? Was he overthinking all the late nights, the stolen glances, the accidental touches that were obviously not accidents?

Should he... talk to Bdubs about it?

That would be hard. Keralis' stomach dropped just imagining it, because, if Bdubs didn't feel the same, if he was just being friendly, then Keralis might just pass away from embarrassment.

What was worse: ignorance or shame?

He could continue on the way he was, forever unsure of whether or not Bdubs loved him back, and put up with the heartache. He thought he could handle it, maybe. At least he'd keep Bdubs as a friend, taking no risks at all.

On the other hand, Keralis could confess. Obviously the best case scenario was that Bdubs felt the same, and they would become boyfriends, do boyfriend things, blah blah... but Bdubs could always reject him. Bdubs not reciprocating his feelings, logically, was fine. He wasn't obligated to. But emotionally? Imagine the toll. Keralis and Bdubs would stop talking out of awkwardness and start avoiding each other. Keralis really wanted to keep Bdubs as a friend. On top of that, Keralis might cry himself to sleep every night.

Maybe not every night... hopefully not every night. He'd get over it, of course, eventually.

There was just no easy way out of this. Keralis had to do something eventually.

—

"Do you remember when you kissed me? All those years ago," Keralis asked, but it was much more than a question. It was a beg. A beg to know what they were, a beg for Bdubs to tell him if he felt the same way he did, a beg for some kind, any kind of confirmation of the relationship Keralis could so clearly see yet still doubted the existence of.

He needed to know, were they boyfriends yet? Was Bdubs his boyfriend, or were they still just friends? Friends who kissed each other and held one another's hands; who had shared a bed and an entire village before. Was that normal?

"Of course I do," Bdubs said. He wasn't looking back at Keralis.

A couple of seconds passed, then a few more, and Keralis signed internally. Was he going to have to do all the work here? Couldn't Bdubs just... take the hint? _Kiss me,_ he screamed in his head.

"Can you do it again?"

_Can you tell me I'm not making this up? Can you make it obvious you love me? Can you confirm I'm not overthinking our relationship?_

Bdubs took a moment to digest the request.

Keralis instantly cringed. He wanted to take it back, to get up and leave. If Bdubs wanted to kiss him, he would. If they were boyfriends, he'd know. Now he had to go and ruin it, all because of his own insecurities.

_Say something. Tell me to go away, tell me I'm overstepping... anything. Anything but silence. Because I need to know what you think of me and—_

"Yeah," Bdubs finally said, like it was obvious. "Of course."

... Huh?

"Uh, sorry, I'm just..." He turned to face Keralis, and got closer. He was smiling. "You... don't have to ask. You can just kiss me."

What?

What did that mean? Bdubs never—he didn't—this—... since when? Has he always been allowed to kiss him? Why didn't he know this? "B-but—what? We don't... kiss. We've kissed once. Years ago!"

Bdubs laughed. He laughed. Keralis was so, _so_ confused he didn't even know what was funny, and not because he was upset or anything, he just... he didn't know _what_ he was feeling. "I-I didn't think you liked it. You never brought it up again! I thought you were more of a... y'know... not-kissing type," Bdubs said.

"... What?"

Seriously. What? _Not-kissing type?_ The hell did that mean?

"Wh—well—I-I thought if you wanted to you'd just, y'know, do it! I-I dunno!" Bdubs chuckled, apparently still finding humour in the situation, while Keralis had his mouth hung open in shock.

"I could've been kissing you this whole time!" Keralis cried in genuine distress and put a hand to his head.

Bdubs couldn't stop his giggling. "So why didn't you?"

"I-I-I-I, I didn't know we could do that!"

"Well," Bdubs fumbled around trying to find something say, "just—kiss me!"

"Fine!"

Keralis surged forwards and smashed his lips against Bdubs' own which were still curled up in a smile. They kissed each other roughly, years of pent up energy coming out all at once, helped by the tension of the argument still hanging tight in the air. Bdubs' hands quickly found their way to the back of Keralis' head, tangling in his dark hair, pulling gently as Keralis gripped into Bdubs' shirt and pressed their chests as close together as he could, their hearts pounding in sync.

Keralis tried to pull back, wanting to say something. He managed out a hoarse, "holy shit," before being dragged back to Bdubs' lips, who kissed him desperately, breathing heavily as their breaths combined. Keralis couldn't help but let out a weak moan having all of his frustration finally being let go; the relief was euphoric.

This was everything Keralis had hoped for. A grin forced its way onto his face and Bdubs matched it, the kiss finally slowing down. They pulled away from each other, beaming and bright red.

"What're you smiling about?" Bdubs asked and pressed a short, gentle kiss to Keralis' lips again.

"You," Keralis sighed. "I love you." He leaned back in to keep kissing Bdubs, unable to stay away for too long. The slower pace allowed him to take in the features of Bdubs better, such as the texture of his soft lips, or the faint smell of his face wash. Keralis' stomach twisted with all of these sensations he could have experienced sooner.

Bdubs suddenly laughed and pulled back. "Sorry, I'm sorry," he began, trying to calm himself down. Keralis couldn't say he wasn't disappointed. "This whole time you wanted to kiss me and you just never did?"

For some reason, Keralis giggled too. "I don't know! I couldn't tell what our relationship was..."

"Baby, you thought I just held your hand and kissed your cheek for nothing?"

There that pet name was again, "baby." Keralis' heart fluttered.

"I—" he was about to argue again, but rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He kissed Bdubs quickly once more, a bit hesitantly as if he were testing this was real. It was. "I'm gonna do that so much now."

"You're always welcome to."

Keralis hummed happily. He couldn't stop smiling. "So we're boyfriends now?" he asked.

"I thought we were for a long time, honestly," Bdubs responded.

Keralis just sighed. He had no more energy to be frustrated with himself. He did, however, have the energy to kiss Bdubs again.

He leaned forwards, and they met in the middle.

This was a memory Keralis would always remember.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!


End file.
